Ep 11: Betrayed but Not Broken: What Joseph Teaches Us About Emotional Healing

0:02 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, let me ask you a question. [SPEAKER_00]: What if the people who hurt you the most, don't get to determine who you become? [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph, who we're gonna look at today, was betray by his own brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused, and forgotten. [SPEAKER_00]: And yet, his painful experience did not have the final word over his life. [SPEAKER_00]: Did you know that? [SPEAKER_00]: Today, we're going to examine what we can learn from Joseph about processing pain without allowing it to define us.

0:43 [SPEAKER_00]: Because Joseph's pain was real. [SPEAKER_00]: And he didn't pretend that his pain wasn't painful. [SPEAKER_00]: And so we're going to unpack his story today. [SPEAKER_00]: And as we look at the story, I think it's fair to ask. [SPEAKER_00]: What did Joseph experience emotionally, because there was some emotional pain, some emotional hurt and baggage that he experienced, and what can we reasonably observe from his words and actions? [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't some fairy tale, this is a real life experience. [SPEAKER_00]: And finally, I want to highlight two important lessons we can learn from Joseph about processing pain without allowing it to actually define us.

1:35 [SPEAKER_00]: So welcome to the biblical film room, a podcast where we examine our lives through the lens of scripture so that we might heal emotionally, connect relationally, and grow spiritually. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm Michael Jerome your host. [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for joining. [SPEAKER_00]: Broken, Bible trail. [SPEAKER_00]: The pain that just seems to hang on. [SPEAKER_00]: And I wanted to discuss this today because quite a few of my clients [SPEAKER_00]: are walking through some type of betrayal in their lives. [SPEAKER_00]: And whether that betrayal is an erotic betrayal, betrayal by a sibling or parent perhaps, friends, maybe we're betrayed or let down by a coworker, something deeply affected you in a close relationship.

2:28 [SPEAKER_00]: All these different types of betrayals, I've had to, I guess the honor, what it called of the privilege, to help people walk through these challenges in their lives. [SPEAKER_00]: And so I thought it was important enough to take the time, to talk about the pain of walking through the brokenness that betrayal can cause. [SPEAKER_00]: And what can happen as we get on the other side of that? [SPEAKER_00]: And so, at the time of this recording, it's Tuesday, November, the 9th, and I'm excited about you being here on this podcast.

3:11 [SPEAKER_00]: It's an honor to be able to host this and to talk about this topic. [SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to go ahead and dive in. [SPEAKER_00]: Jelsa's story. [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to watch the film here on Jelsa's story and see what we can gather from it. [SPEAKER_00]: First of all, Genesis 37, rejection and betrayal by his brothers. [SPEAKER_00]: So, which is going to read a little bit about the story. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to narrate a few things as well. [SPEAKER_00]: So, in Genesis chapter 37, verse 3 through 11, that's where the story is. [SPEAKER_00]: And in verse 4, it says, when his brothers saw that their father loved him, [SPEAKER_00]: more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

3:56 [SPEAKER_00]: And verse 5, he tells his brothers a dream and they hated him all the more because of his dream. [SPEAKER_00]: And then verse 8, says the same thing, and they hated him all the more because of his dream. [SPEAKER_00]: Verse 11, because of his dreams and the favoritism, his brothers were jealous of him. [SPEAKER_00]: So the brothers didn't want to hear what he had to say. [SPEAKER_00]: And they were greatly impacted by his cockiness. [SPEAKER_00]: They were jealous, jealous of what's kind of cocky and arrogant. [SPEAKER_00]: There were some favoritism that was shown by the father that also impacted their relationship.

4:42 [SPEAKER_00]: And here's the thing, this is kind of a sight note. [SPEAKER_00]: favoritism is a sort of portrayal that a lot of individuals experience growing up in your family of origin and and so the brothers felt this I guess this portrayal by their dad and because Joseph was the favorite they began to mistreat him and so that was a [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if you've ever been hated by sibling, I haven't, so grateful or close relative or maybe a friend or a teammate.

5:22 [SPEAKER_00]: But I would say that that's a hard thing to go through. [SPEAKER_00]: Just to carry the Bible talks about how difficult it is to stand before jealousy and hatred and that was tough. [SPEAKER_00]: And then in verses 18 through 30, they plot it against him and betrayed him, okay? [SPEAKER_00]: And so it says, but they saw him in the distance. [SPEAKER_00]: And before he reached them, they plod it to kill him. [SPEAKER_00]: Here comes that dreamer they said to each other, let's kill him and throw him into one of these systems and say a ferocious animal devoured him. [SPEAKER_00]: Then we'll see what comes of his dreams. [SPEAKER_00]: They say rejection and betrayal.

6:05 [SPEAKER_00]: Ouch. [SPEAKER_00]: Man, that had to hurt, had to hurt deeply. [SPEAKER_00]: I bet his circumstance told him lies about his identity as he was lying in the system. [SPEAKER_00]: Then later he was taken from the system by a band of bandits and sold as a slave in another country and as a country being the country of Egypt. [SPEAKER_00]: Here's this young kid who had some dreams, and he tells the dreams to his brothers, and they're like, oh, we don't want to hear it, and they already had this hatred towards him, and that led to them betraying him, abandoning him.

6:51 [SPEAKER_00]: This is 39, talks about false accusation and imprisonment. [SPEAKER_00]: False accusation and imprisonment is what Joseph went through. [SPEAKER_00]: He has falsely accused of coming on to his master potifers' wife and thrown into prison because of that. [SPEAKER_00]: Some verse 17, she tells this story, that Hebrew slave, you brought us, came to me to make sport of me, but as soon as I screened for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house. [SPEAKER_00]: And the Bible says when his master heard this, he burned with anger and Joseph's master took him and put him in prison. [SPEAKER_00]: Fossily accused, wrongly imprisoned.

7:35 [SPEAKER_00]: That had to be very disheartening, scary. [SPEAKER_00]: I imagine the live this situation whispered to him about his identity and about his security and God's concern for him. [SPEAKER_00]: to this is chapter 40, the story goes on. [SPEAKER_00]: He gets kind of worse for gotten by someone he helped. [SPEAKER_00]: So chapter 40, he's in prison. [SPEAKER_00]: He accurately predicts a favorable outcome of a dream that one of the prisoners had, a cut bear, and yet the Bible says that, [SPEAKER_00]: As Joseph telling this interpreted this dream that this cuper has, he was expecting a favorable outcome for himself.

8:23 [SPEAKER_00]: And yet, he doesn't get one. [SPEAKER_00]: Versus 14 and 15 says, as Joseph is telling the guy that the outcome and letting him know, this is what I would love to see happen, but when all goes well with you, [SPEAKER_00]: and show me kindness, mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison. [SPEAKER_00]: I was forcefully carried off, and even here, I have done nothing to deserve being put in a dungeon. [SPEAKER_00]: Wow, cut bear gets restored, so that's as Joseph had set to him in this interpretation of the man's dream, yet instead of remembering Joseph and mentioning Joseph to the Pharaoh, this is what the Bible says happened.

9:15 [SPEAKER_00]: in verse 23. [SPEAKER_00]: That says, the chief cut bear, however, did not remember Joseph. [SPEAKER_00]: He forgot them. [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. [SPEAKER_00]: They had to be tough. [SPEAKER_00]: He forgot. [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, what? [SPEAKER_00]: After all, that Joseph had did for him. [SPEAKER_00]: You forgot? [SPEAKER_00]: That's that's my bottom to me and again, enduring and experience like this, I would say likely cause him to wrestle with his identity. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't you have to reflect on that. [SPEAKER_00]: Because like circumstances can lie to us also about our identity.

9:58 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know what? [SPEAKER_00]: Thank God for Chapter 41. [SPEAKER_00]: Chapter 41 through 45. [SPEAKER_00]: A dramatic, I mean dramatic change in circumstances and a reunion with his brothers. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph is brought in by the Pharaoh to interpret a dream that he had. [SPEAKER_00]: The dream was troubling him. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph gives an accurate interpretation. [SPEAKER_00]: By the way, he's finally remembered by this guy who worked for God. [SPEAKER_00]: To, hey, remember that time you were mad at me, and you threw me in prison? [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, there's this guy who was there. [SPEAKER_00]: I had a dream. [SPEAKER_00]: I told him to dream, and then he interpreted for me.

10:39 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe this guy can help you out. [SPEAKER_00]: And so, they went and got Joseph out, Joseph interprets the dream. [SPEAKER_00]: He gives an accurate interpretation of a famine that would happen, and actually how to save the nation in this famine. [SPEAKER_00]: And so, Joseph, man, I tell you, I can't remember the exact time frame it was when the time that he was betrayed by his brothers and thrown to the sister into the time he was [SPEAKER_00]: let out a prison and and rose up to second command, I believe, was about 12 years. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, that's a long time. [SPEAKER_00]: And just year after year, all the misfortune that happened, all the disappointment that he experienced.

11:26 [SPEAKER_00]: And so Joseph, he's rewarded for his discernment in wisdom and his place in charge of all of Egypt. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph has even given a wife who bore him two sons and then the real tests came years later during his famine. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph meets his brothers and opportunity for vindication, vindication. [SPEAKER_00]: I bet, man, in some ways, man, he wanted to be vindicated. [SPEAKER_00]: And at first, when Joseph encounters his brothers, he responds harshly to them.

12:06 [SPEAKER_00]: He tests them to see if they are sincere in honest men coming from the land of Canaan. [SPEAKER_00]: So we pick up the story in Genesis chapter 42 and verse seven. [SPEAKER_00]: It says, [SPEAKER_00]: As soon as Joseph saw his brothers, he recognized them, but he pretended to be a stranger and spoke harshly to them. [SPEAKER_00]: And it says, although Joseph recognized them, they didn't recognize him. [SPEAKER_00]: He begins to interrogate these guys. [SPEAKER_00]: He accuses them of being spies and throws them into prison for three days. [SPEAKER_00]: For nothing, for no reason, set for he won't revenge. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he starts out wanting revenge, but then over time, as we read the story, his heart softens.

12:52 [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, throughout the entire rest of the story involving his interactions with his brothers, you see Joseph wrestling with his feelings. [SPEAKER_00]: wrestling with his emotions, Genesis 42-24, says he turned away from them and began to weep, but then came back and spoke to them again. [SPEAKER_00]: In chapter 43 of verse 20, it says, deeply moved that the sight of his younger brother, Benjamin, shows up hurried out and looked for a place to weep. [SPEAKER_00]: He went into his private room and wet there. [SPEAKER_00]: Then finally, in chapter 45, when Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, that says, then Joseph could no longer control himself before all of his attendance.

13:41 [SPEAKER_00]: He told them to leave. [SPEAKER_00]: He cried out, have everyone leave my presence. [SPEAKER_00]: So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known, [SPEAKER_00]: to his brothers, and he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard it, and Pharaoh's household heard about it, just as 45. [SPEAKER_00]: He extends, forgive this to his brothers. [SPEAKER_00]: Layered though it was, and it took time. [SPEAKER_00]: It took some time. [SPEAKER_00]: God bless us in with the wife, as I said earlier, [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph sees a big God behind a big picture of everything he went through after he reveals himself to his brothers.

14:32 [SPEAKER_00]: That's amazing. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, again, he sees a big God behind a big picture. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's something that really stood out to me. [SPEAKER_00]: And it's something as I walk through clients who've gone through the trails, some type of relational betrayal and the pain that you experience in that and the wrestling that they go through and that I imagine Joseph went through. [SPEAKER_00]: In order to get on the other side of that, he had to see a big God behind the big picture.

15:13 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it helped him. [SPEAKER_00]: Everything he went through, he reveals himself to his brothers. [SPEAKER_00]: So listen to how he does this. [SPEAKER_00]: It is amazing. [SPEAKER_00]: Genesis 45 verse 4, He says, Come close to me. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt and now do not be distress and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here because it was to say the lives, the saving of many lives that [SPEAKER_00]: verse 8, so then it was not you who sent me here, but God.

16:04 [SPEAKER_00]: And in Genesis 50, verse 19, don't be afraid. [SPEAKER_00]: Am I in the place of God? [SPEAKER_00]: You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done. [SPEAKER_00]: the saving of many lies so then don't be afraid I will provide for you and your children and he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. [SPEAKER_00]: I tell you again you know it's one of my favorite stories in all the Bible because here's a guy that experienced some deep pain and he went through the layers [SPEAKER_00]: You know, he went through the layers of processing his emotions.

16:56 [SPEAKER_00]: And as we talked about earlier, what did Joseph experience emotionally? [SPEAKER_00]: You see the roller coaster, man? [SPEAKER_00]: Right? [SPEAKER_00]: The roller coaster of emotions wanting to care, wanting to embrace, but wanting to punish [SPEAKER_00]: wanting to get revenge, wanting to say, you guys deserve this lashing that I'm going to give you. [SPEAKER_00]: Then over time, as this big God behind the picture begins to reveal himself, it's really powerful.

17:46 [SPEAKER_00]: As we examine the film, what can we learn, what can we learn from Joseph that we can. [SPEAKER_00]: see in him that we can apply to our own lives, and that hopefully that would make sense as we move forward as we experience. [SPEAKER_00]: Challenges in our life. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, one thing is pain is real and faith doesn't require us to pretend betrayal didn't hurt. [SPEAKER_00]: It does. [SPEAKER_00]: You may be going through a painful circumstance, a difficult marriage, a financial debt that keeps getting larger, [SPEAKER_00]: reoccurring communication breakdown.

18:29 [SPEAKER_00]: Those things are hard and you don't have to pretend. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph Russell with the pain and the wondering, I think we see that in the story. [SPEAKER_00]: Your circumstances aren't your identity. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph's position changed repeatedly, right constantly, but his story didn't end in a pit or a prison. [SPEAKER_00]: That's the great thing about that story. [SPEAKER_00]: And what you're going through is undoubtedly tough and it doesn't have to get the final verdict. [SPEAKER_00]: So please, my friend, they don't confuse forgiveness with pretending. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph eventually confronted his brothers and tested their actions before fooling, revealing himself.

19:15 [SPEAKER_00]: As you see that, I tell people, particularly in situations in a marriage or a dating relationship where there's been erotic betrayal. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, someone has to, you have to test someone's actions before fully revealing yourself, exposing yourself, opening yourself up to them again, is that make sense? [SPEAKER_00]: And so walking through couples, walking with couples, through something like that is tough because sometimes the [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not a good situation for the person who's been wounded, who's been betrayed to be in.

20:01 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that takes time. [SPEAKER_00]: Test their acts as before fully revealing yourself, like opening yourself, letting that person back in. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph does that. [SPEAKER_00]: That's important. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to let people who deeply hurt you back into your life immediately. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph needed time and distance from his brothers and so do you. [SPEAKER_00]: Be wise. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph was kind of hardship first. [SPEAKER_00]: He saw that. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he saw that in this story. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he wrestled with his feelings. [SPEAKER_00]: He falsely accused him and wrongly imprisoned them.

20:42 [SPEAKER_00]: Just like what happened to him with a potter's wife. [SPEAKER_00]: Did you see that? [SPEAKER_00]: or he accused them of being spies, puts them in prison for three days. [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm not suggesting that you should do that with a spouse or partner or a good friend or a co-worker. [SPEAKER_00]: But yet, healing, it takes time, right? [SPEAKER_00]: We see that in the story. [SPEAKER_00]: His reunion with his brothers unfolded. [SPEAKER_00]: Right? [SPEAKER_00]: Over to several encounters, not one quick conversation. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't let anybody talk to you about this quick forgiveness.

21:25 [SPEAKER_00]: Just go ahead. [SPEAKER_00]: That's not even biblical. [SPEAKER_00]: Again, deep betrayal, erotic betrayal, whether it's been lies, deceit, [SPEAKER_00]: There's been, you've, they just forgot about your personhood and how they treated you. [SPEAKER_00]: Two things, time, distance, time, distance. [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph needed them both, and so did you. [SPEAKER_00]: And so conversations need to be had about the betrayal.

22:05 [SPEAKER_00]: the infidelity, the abuse, the negligence, the irresponsible behavior, conversations need to be had. [SPEAKER_00]: You can acknowledge the harm without surrendering your future to it. [SPEAKER_00]: To make sense, you can say to someone, that didn't feel good, and here's how it impacted me. [SPEAKER_00]: and not allow it to become a part of your story or a part of the story, you constantly rehearse. [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have to be that way. [SPEAKER_00]: So how do we apply the film to our lives? [SPEAKER_00]: Want to challenge you to apply the film, this film's on Josa to your life.

22:50 [SPEAKER_00]: What painful experience are you still carrying? [SPEAKER_00]: Because it can lie to you about your true identity, about who you really are, and about who God is. [SPEAKER_00]: How has it shaped the way you see yourself, or other people, or God? [SPEAKER_00]: Is there bitterness there, self-criticism, faithlessness? [SPEAKER_00]: In your relationships, are you responding to the person in front of you or reacting to the person who hurt you in the past? [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's really important to consider.

23:32 [SPEAKER_00]: What would it look like to bring this experience honestly before God? [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's what Joseph did. [SPEAKER_00]: I think he had time to wrestle with this experience of being sold by his brothers, lied to by potifers, lied thrown to prison, by potifers, and being forgotten by the cut bear, and being in these situations all this time. [SPEAKER_00]: Twelve years. [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to emphasize this, folks, healing doesn't mean to nine pain rushing forgiveness or automatically restoring trust.

24:16 [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to hear that. [SPEAKER_00]: It means beginning to respond to our pain through the truth of Scripture rather than allowing pain to dictate our identity and future. [SPEAKER_00]: So here's a couple major film room takeaways. [SPEAKER_00]: I have two important lessons that I refer to at the beginning that I hope we'd learn from Joseph's story. [SPEAKER_00]: The first one is, he received redemption, not just vindication. [SPEAKER_00]: He received redemption. [SPEAKER_00]: What do I mean by that? [SPEAKER_00]: Well, we'll got in chapter 41, God bless them with a wife who bore him two sons.

24:56 [SPEAKER_00]: You'll see redemption. [SPEAKER_00]: And here's how we know it. [SPEAKER_00]: Listen to what he says. [SPEAKER_00]: And Genesis 41, 45. [SPEAKER_00]: It says Pharaoh gave Joseph a wife named Asana, and in verse 50 it says, [SPEAKER_00]: Joseph named his first born, Manasa, and said, it is because God has made me forget all my father's household. [SPEAKER_00]: And the second son, he named Ephraim and said, it is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.

25:37 [SPEAKER_00]: The first son, he named forgetful. [SPEAKER_00]: The second son, he named fruitful. [SPEAKER_00]: He received a family at the losing his family. [SPEAKER_00]: You get that? [SPEAKER_00]: He received a family at the losing his family. [SPEAKER_00]: And he was able to receive not only vindication with his brothers. [SPEAKER_00]: He was vindicated for sure, but redemption because there was a reunion between he and his brothers. [SPEAKER_00]: his dad, the whole family.

26:21 [SPEAKER_00]: That was great. [SPEAKER_00]: The vindication is like, okay, maybe things aren't reunited and I still get a blessing and I think God did that. [SPEAKER_00]: and blessing him with his sons and his wife, but also with his restoring that relationship with his brothers and his dad. [SPEAKER_00]: By the way, Joseph's sons forgetful and fruitful. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if you caught this, he names the first one for get full. [SPEAKER_00]: He names the second one for get full. [SPEAKER_00]: And oftentimes before we become fruitful, we must become forgetful.

27:03 [SPEAKER_00]: And what I mean by that is not, excuse me, the things that we've done in the past and pretending like it didn't happen. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about some kind of spiritual amnesia where we pretend that the things that hurt us didn't hurt. [SPEAKER_00]: or the things that wounded us wasn't painful, and that would just let people back in our lives. [SPEAKER_00]: But this forgetful was this layered forgiveness that God was working on in his heart, and it did show us self-in and complete fruit overnight, as we've already talked about. [SPEAKER_00]: But I believe that the healing process started when God gave this man a wife to start a family, a new family.

27:51 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the second takeaway that I hope you got. [SPEAKER_00]: Not only did he receive this family, this redemption, not only vindication, but redemption, he gained perspective. [SPEAKER_00]: He gained perspective and Joseph sees again. [SPEAKER_00]: He sees a big God behind the big picture of everything he went through. [SPEAKER_00]: Isn't that amazing? [SPEAKER_00]: And here's how he articulates his perspective to his brothers.

28:34 [SPEAKER_00]: He says, you guys, I mean, he also recognized God's ability to bring good from what others intended for harm. [SPEAKER_00]: He says that in my in the place of God, he talks about you, intended for evil, God intended [SPEAKER_00]: You know, the perspective that he had was just amazing. [SPEAKER_00]: And those are the two things. [SPEAKER_00]: We've seen redemption and obtain perspective. [SPEAKER_00]: So good. [SPEAKER_00]: So good. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, let me ask you if you recognize unresolved pain or reoccurring patterns in your life, [SPEAKER_00]: in your emotional life.

29:21 [SPEAKER_00]: If so, I want to invite you to book a complimentary, 30-minute discovery call with a space of grace counseling. [SPEAKER_00]: And it's an opportunity to discuss your story. [SPEAKER_00]: What may be keeping you stuck and whether the biblical counseling is a good fit for you. [SPEAKER_00]: There's no pressure or obligation just a graceful space for you to unpack your pain points. [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the scheduling link in the show notes. [SPEAKER_00]: So as we wrap up this episode, Joseph's story shows us a compelling example of how painful experiences can shape a life without defining his ending.

30:04 [SPEAKER_00]: But pain isn't the only thing that influences how we live. [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes what drives our behavior isn't a wound inflicted by someone else. [SPEAKER_00]: It's a fear or insecurity or negative thinking that we haven't learned to recognize within ourselves. [SPEAKER_00]: And so what happens in the next episode, we're going to talk about what happens when insecurity begins to control the way you see yourself, the way you treat other people and the decisions that you make. [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to examine the life of King Saul, a man who's fear, insecurity, and concern over losing his position, let him down a tragic path.

30:59 [SPEAKER_00]: And we'll put his life on the film room screen and ask ourselves, where it might insecurity be influencing my own choices. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think you want to miss this episode. [SPEAKER_00]: So make sure you hit that subscribe button. [SPEAKER_00]: And please, I'm share the podcast with a friend. [SPEAKER_00]: It may be what they need during this time in their life. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, thanks for joining me today. [SPEAKER_00]: Go be a world changer, but not a stranger. [SPEAKER_00]: So I'll see you next time in the biblical film room where God's Word becomes the replay that changes your life. [SPEAKER_00]: Grace and peace to you.

31:41 [SPEAKER_00]: Adios.