Ep 10: What You Believe About Change Will Change How You Live-Part 2

0:00 [SPEAKER_00]: What if I told you that your thoughts about God and what you truly believe about him is the most important thing about you? [SPEAKER_00]: Would you believe me? [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe, maybe not. [SPEAKER_00]: But your inner thoughts, they don't lie. [SPEAKER_00]: Because your thoughts and beliefs about God are reflected in how you live, are they not? [SPEAKER_00]: You can't walk out something you don't truly possess. [SPEAKER_00]: And you can't change something you don't have control over. [SPEAKER_00]: And so you need to know who you truly are so that you can fulfill why you're really here.

0:40 [SPEAKER_00]: And so this is part two of our last episode. [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to transition from talking about you and pivot back to me briefly by introducing two core belief systems that I have held over in the past 15 years that have shaped my life, my counseling ministry, and this podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to recap the last nine episodes and hopes that you will continue to subscribe and share this podcast with a friend, but that you also decide to work with me and join the community on building for people who align with my beliefs and my ministry.

1:26 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, welcome back to the biblical film room podcast, where we examine the Bible through the lens of scripture so that we may heal emotionally, connect relationally, and grow spiritually. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm Michael Jerome, thanks for joining me. [SPEAKER_00]: Before we move forward, let's take a quick look back at where we've been. [SPEAKER_00]: In episode one, I share some of my personal journey, including the painful experiences that challenged my faith, the questions that I've wrestled with, and how spending intentional time and scripture helped me rebuild my understanding of God.

2:07 [SPEAKER_00]: And that journey eventually led to the creation of a space of grace counseling and the biblical film room podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: In episode two, we talked about the biggest mistake Christians make, and we explore how easy it is to confuse doing things for God with actually growing in our relationship with Him. [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about the danger of trying to earn an identity that God invites us to receive. [SPEAKER_00]: The order matters, first belong, then become, and then behave. [SPEAKER_00]: In episode 3, I introduced the grace framework and explore what it means to receive God's love, trust that He won't leave us where we are, and brace our identity in Christ, commit ourselves to His truth, and depend on the Holy Spirit for transformation.

3:02 [SPEAKER_00]: Grace isn't permission to stay stuck. [SPEAKER_00]: It's the foundation from which real change begins. [SPEAKER_00]: In episode four, we examine the difference between spiritual activity and spiritual maturity. [SPEAKER_00]: Going to church, noise scripture, serving others, and holding leadership positions don't automatically mean where emotionally healthy or spiritually mature. [SPEAKER_00]: God isn't just interested in what we do on the outside. [SPEAKER_00]: He's concerned with what's happening within us. [SPEAKER_00]: In episode 5, we looked at what it can cause. [SPEAKER_00]: what it can cost us when we recognize our problems but never take steps towards change.

3:48 [SPEAKER_00]: Stankstuck can affect our relationships, our opportunities, and our ability to live productively. [SPEAKER_00]: The question Jesus asks the man in John chapter five, still challenges us today. [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to get well? [SPEAKER_00]: In episode six, [SPEAKER_00]: We explored how our early experiences, our family of origin, can shape our beliefs about love, belonging, conflict, emotions, and relationships. [SPEAKER_00]: Looking backward isn't about blaming our families or living in the past. [SPEAKER_00]: It's about recognizing patterns so we can begin changing them. [SPEAKER_00]: In episode 7, through a counseling story, [SPEAKER_00]: We saw how struggles in a present relationship can sometimes connect to unresolved experiences from the past.

4:43 [SPEAKER_00]: We explored how greater awareness can help us reclaim our voice, take responsibility for our responses, and stop repeating patterns we may not even recognize. [SPEAKER_00]: In episode 8, we challenged the belief that the three myths that therapy or self-help alone will fix us, the tendency to oversimplify complex struggles with the word just. [SPEAKER_00]: In the assumption that simply connecting people automatically creates healthy community. [SPEAKER_00]: Our takeaway was simple. [SPEAKER_00]: They good tools and resources can help us, but we must not confuse the tool of resource with the source of our transformation.

5:28 [SPEAKER_00]: In an episode nine, we return to a question Jesus asks his disciples. [SPEAKER_00]: He says, what about you? [SPEAKER_00]: Who do you say I am? [SPEAKER_00]: We explore the difference between having opinions about Jesus and truly knowing him. [SPEAKER_00]: We look at how Peter's confession was revealed by the Father, how the disciples were called to be with Jesus, and how they're timed with him, shaped their lives, and their [SPEAKER_00]: Because ultimately, what we believe about Jesus matters, and the time we intentionally spend with him, should shape not only what we say we believe, but how we live and influence people around us.

6:14 [SPEAKER_00]: So where do we go from here? [SPEAKER_00]: I say it's time to continue to go deeper, like mining a field for gold. [SPEAKER_00]: So in part two, I'm going to share two convictions that shape how I understand transformation and how I approach counseling. [SPEAKER_00]: These aren't simply ideas I've picked up along the way. [SPEAKER_00]: They're convictions shaped by scripture, personal experiences, painful lessons, failures, and what God has taught me [SPEAKER_00]: I want to share the two core beliefs, why I believe them, and what those beliefs might mean for your life. [SPEAKER_00]: So core belief number one, a person cannot give that which they do not possess.

6:58 [SPEAKER_00]: A person can't give that which they do not possess. [SPEAKER_00]: John chapter 3 verse 27 in a very interesting passage with Jesus is talking to Nicodemius I believe. [SPEAKER_00]: He says a person can receive only what is given them from heaven. [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll bring this verse, and I'll bring the application to the verse in a moment. [SPEAKER_00]: I spent a great deal of my adult life trying to give something, love, joy, happiness, connection, affection that I didn't really have. [SPEAKER_00]: It came from a place of fear, insecurity, lack, scarcity, mistrust, and past hurts for disappointment. [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't realize that a lot of my [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not real giving.

7:46 [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't really give to my former spouse or my stepdaughter. [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have to give what they needed in part because I hadn't received it at all in my family of origin. [SPEAKER_00]: And I talked about this in previous episodes. [SPEAKER_00]: So when I say a core belief that I have is you can't give that what you do not possess. [SPEAKER_00]: What I don't mean is you're not responsible or you don't have the desire [SPEAKER_00]: or the effort was in sincere, or you weren't consistent enough. [SPEAKER_00]: Or you were are without resources, you are deficient in capacity. [SPEAKER_00]: Now that's a humbling sobering outlook.

8:27 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's where I was for many years. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not excusing it, just stating the fact. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, there's the other side of the coin. [SPEAKER_00]: When I discovered a deeper pathway and embarked upon a purpose altering journey, man, there was a shift unlike any other. [SPEAKER_00]: There was a new joy, a different outlook, and this one verse confirmed that moment of truth. [SPEAKER_00]: That the John chapter 3 verse 27, a person can receive only what is given them from heaven. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, what does that mean? [SPEAKER_00]: And what does this have to do with change and giving and possessing and helping others? [SPEAKER_00]: What does this have to do with your life?

9:09 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, God, the Bible says the God gives the Spirit without limit, love, joy, peace, patience, without limit to those who have followed Him. [SPEAKER_00]: And we have received an abundance of gifting, but we don't really recognize it. [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't recognize it, and I mean from a deep level, and when you do recognize it, it takes a while to cultivate the gifting, but it starts with recognition, and when you recognize you have received, freely, not earned, you begin to see yourself differently, and then you begin to see others differently, and you begin to freely give them grace, forgiveness, mercy, and patience, [SPEAKER_00]: Put another way, here's an example by John Maxwell, his quote beautifully fits in this belief philosophy of mine, actually my fits into his, because his is better.

10:06 [SPEAKER_00]: He says people change when they heard enough that they have to learn enough that they want to and receive enough that they're able to. [SPEAKER_00]: So a man can receive, or a woman, only what is given him or her from heaven. [SPEAKER_00]: And that man, woman person, cannot give that which they do not possess. [SPEAKER_00]: But we all have received from God, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, first Peter 14, each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others.

10:49 [SPEAKER_00]: Romans 126 tells us that the gifts differ according to the grace given us. [SPEAKER_00]: We're not even at Ephesians 411. [SPEAKER_00]: God gives gifts for the building up of His people. [SPEAKER_00]: So where is the disconnect? [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I would say, it's in the teaching. [SPEAKER_00]: The teaching has to go deeper. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I've been talking about, hey, we got a dig deeper, it's time to dig deeper. [SPEAKER_00]: Because people do better, understand better, and turn a lies better, execute better when they're taught better. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's something that I've really realized is that we have to go deeper by really excavating deeper teaching.

11:32 [SPEAKER_00]: So because when you have something to truly give and you give out of abundance and not out of the lack, you don't have to try to change anyone. [SPEAKER_00]: which leads me to core belief number two, you cannot change anyone else. [SPEAKER_00]: You can only change yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: And that would probably seem pretty simple. [SPEAKER_00]: The change is an inside-out job. [SPEAKER_00]: This core belief was established along with the first core belief, after long deep reflection, upon my experience with my former spouse and my church. [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't able to communicate well at all, so I wanted her to change her communication style and everyone else around me.

12:16 [SPEAKER_00]: I had trouble loving unconditionally, so I wanted her to change and be the kind of person I could love easily, including everyone else around me. [SPEAKER_00]: I had trouble setting boundaries. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I had no boundaries, so I became angry and resentful when my [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to hurt to change things about her that were uniquely her to fit my comfort level. [SPEAKER_00]: But that isn't accepting someone as they are. [SPEAKER_00]: Wanting people to change is a matter of expectation. [SPEAKER_00]: And expectations can end in great disappointment. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I was always so disappointed in relationships.

12:57 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you don't really get what you expect. [SPEAKER_00]: You get what you create. [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't know how to create the environment. [SPEAKER_00]: Does this resonate with you? [SPEAKER_00]: I want to say, when you have something to give to others, you don't have to be caught up and trying to change them. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to set all of these expectations and become resentful or passive when they are not met. [SPEAKER_00]: So why do these beliefs matter in my counseling? [SPEAKER_00]: I'll tell you this. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not interested in helping people simply manage symptoms [SPEAKER_00]: I'm interested in helping people discover what they've received, what they believe, what they're carrying, how they're responding, and what God may be inviting them to change.

13:54 [SPEAKER_00]: The goal isn't simply to change your circumstances. [SPEAKER_00]: It's to become different in the way you encountered them. [SPEAKER_00]: So the personal conviction in behind this work, these beliefs, man, my story isn't theoretical. [SPEAKER_00]: I know what it feels like to be stuck. [SPEAKER_00]: I know what shame, fear, ignorance, and limiting beliefs can do. [SPEAKER_00]: And I also know what happens when God begins to illuminate what you couldn't previously see, healing change what I possessed. [SPEAKER_00]: And what I possessed changed what I wanted to give, what I was able to give. [SPEAKER_00]: So a few film room takeaways.

14:35 [SPEAKER_00]: It is truly more blessed to give than to receive because there's freedom and giving out of abundance. [SPEAKER_00]: And you can't control the other players next move. [SPEAKER_00]: You can control how you play your position. [SPEAKER_00]: So let's stop spending all of our energy trying to change someone else's response. [SPEAKER_00]: Let's ask God, what is he trying to change in us? [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, if you've listened to these episodes and recognized that you've been stuck in patterns, you haven't been able to change on your own.

15:16 [SPEAKER_00]: What are you going to do with all you've heard over the past nine episodes? [SPEAKER_00]: And hopefully you've joined us for all the episodes. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, get help that addresses your story, your patterns, and your relationship with God. [SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't know the answer, that's okay. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure it all out alone. [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes the next step isn't more information. [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it's getting the right person with the right training to help you look at the right problem. [SPEAKER_00]: We just need to slow down and examine what's really happening beneath the surface. [SPEAKER_00]: And so through a space of grace counseling, I offer a complimentary 30-minute discovery call where we can talk about your story, discover what's keeping you stuck, and whether biblical counseling is a good fit for you.

16:07 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, there's no pressure or obligation, so that's a graceful space to impact your pain points. [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the link to schedule a call in the show notes. [SPEAKER_00]: So where do we go from here? [SPEAKER_00]: This might be a thought you're having. [SPEAKER_00]: I have the same question, where do you go from here? [SPEAKER_00]: You've been listening to this podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, you know my story. [SPEAKER_00]: You can't give what you don't have. [SPEAKER_00]: And even if you sincerely want it to give it. [SPEAKER_00]: And since you don't have it, it does you know good to try to change someone else. [SPEAKER_00]: Because you don't have the power to do that.

16:50 [SPEAKER_00]: who loves you and just might be orchestrating a change in you. [SPEAKER_00]: What's left is surrender, and that sounds scary. [SPEAKER_00]: But we can't hurt ourselves by humbling ourselves. [SPEAKER_00]: And part of humbling yourself would necessitate that you seek some help. [SPEAKER_00]: So as we wrap up our time together, I want to say this, these past 10 episodes were strategic. [SPEAKER_00]: In setting the stage for the kind of listeners, I want to attract, in the types of topics, I want to speak about, in the kind of people I would be honored to help. [SPEAKER_00]: And these topics will be designed to challenge the way you think and live as a believer.

17:37 [SPEAKER_00]: My help and prayer is that each episode will encourage you to examine your life through the lens of Scripture so that you will grow in truth and walk in freedom and live out your true identity in Christ. [SPEAKER_00]: Why? [SPEAKER_00]: So you will know with assurance who you truly are so that you can fulfill why you're really here. [SPEAKER_00]: And you're here for a divine purpose. [SPEAKER_00]: There's you know that, we're not here just taking up real estate and breathing in oxygen. [SPEAKER_00]: So I've got a series coming out over the next few weeks, going to talk about our emotions. [SPEAKER_00]: This topic deserves some attention. [SPEAKER_00]: We would do well to examine how healthy our emotional life is, which is impacted by our bodies, our thoughts, and our environment.

18:25 [SPEAKER_00]: So go ahead and hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss the next episode. [SPEAKER_00]: And please share the podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: It's just my chain, someone's emotional, relational, or spiritual trajectory. [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks again for joining me today. [SPEAKER_00]: It was a pleasure having you on. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, you know what time it is. [SPEAKER_00]: Go be a world changer, but not a stranger. [SPEAKER_00]: So I'll see you next time in the biblical film room where God's word becomes the replay that changes your life. [SPEAKER_00]: Grace and peace.