Ep 08: Three Myths That Keep Us Stuck And the Truth That Breaks the Mold

0:00 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of the vise you've been given to get unstuck is actually keeping you stuck. [SPEAKER_00]: Advice that would be considered conventional wisdom. [SPEAKER_00]: Doing the thing everyone else is doing or that people say you should be doing. [SPEAKER_00]: The thing that we are doing is usually what someone else has prescribed and declare what will work for us. [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm not debating whether what people are telling you is good or bad. [SPEAKER_00]: And certainly we should be seeking wise counsel from others which us and respect. [SPEAKER_00]: But let me ask you a question that I would like you to, that I would like to challenge you to deeply reflect on.

0:43 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is a question someone asked me, what would happen in your life if you began to face and let go of your limiting beliefs? [SPEAKER_00]: What would the possibilities in your life look like when you decide to be sick and tired of being broke or not living up to your potential? [SPEAKER_00]: Please, lean into that for a moment. [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the biblical film room, a place where we slow down, reflect, and let Scripture examine our lives so that we can grow in truth, walk in freedom, and live out our identity in Christ. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm Michael Jerome.

1:24 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for joining. [SPEAKER_00]: Today, I'm going to identify the common, the three common myths that I see in my industry, which is professional counseling services and pastoral care ministry, that keep people stuck in patterns that prevent them from experiencing the outcomes they desire and the ones that God desires for them. [SPEAKER_00]: And here they are, let's just jump right in. [SPEAKER_00]: Myth number one, therapy self-help will fix me. [SPEAKER_00]: Myth number two, the word just, followed by a religious solution, and myth number three, if we simply get connected into more community, then people's lives will work better.

2:05 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, the problem with all three is that they can subtly put subtly, put the answer somewhere other than where scripture ultimately points us, and that's to mind renewal through encountering the person of Christ, being renewed in the attitude of your mind. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, before I dive into this concept, I want to impact the myths a little more. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, hey, I'm a biblical counselor, so I'm not down on counseling, not down on professional services, but I want to differentiate a valuable tool resource from an ultimate source of transformation.

2:47 [SPEAKER_00]: And so therapy can definitely help people understand patterns. [SPEAKER_00]: and counseling can provide language for experiences because sometimes we struggle with explaining what's going on how we're feeling. [SPEAKER_00]: And good counseling can create space for honesty and reflection, accountability and growth. [SPEAKER_00]: And of course, books, podcasts, courses, self-help resources can provide useful information. [SPEAKER_00]: yet information is helpful and leads valuable clues, but the work the information points to is where people tend to fall short, okay? [SPEAKER_00]: Because counseling only works for you when you allow it to work on you.

3:30 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have seen a number of people coming to my counseling space looking for counseling to work for them and yet not on them, but on someone else, like their spouse or partner. [SPEAKER_00]: In the counseling space, as a place where you have to be mindful of the human tendency to rely on the counselor for the answers, instead of seeking to go deeper into God's truth, deeper into His Word. [SPEAKER_00]: And that is why I practice biblical counseling because we need God's wisdom in helping us discern our hearts own motives. [SPEAKER_00]: Less we become self-deceived. [SPEAKER_00]: And self-help can become self-deception if not sought wisely.

4:15 [SPEAKER_00]: and involving biblical truth is wise, because Jesus, the wonderful counselor, is wiser and more perceptive and insightful than any therapist of counselor that's ever lived. [SPEAKER_00]: So while professional counseling and self-help materials can be useful, the consensus can view them as the cure-all be-all. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where the danger lies. [SPEAKER_00]: People can rely on medication to control blood pressure and diabetes while failing to address lifestyle habits such as unhealthy eating in a lack of exercise. [SPEAKER_00]: So when someone continually accumulates books, more podcasts, another course, another assessment, [SPEAKER_00]: but never goes deeper into the truth about God themselves and their environment.

5:22 [SPEAKER_00]: The problem just gets worse, not better. [SPEAKER_00]: And if we're not careful as believers in Christ, the wisdom of this world becomes more appealing and plausible than the wisdom of God. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, a number of years ago, I actually found myself in this very place, you know, looking for outside sources entirely when I didn't know what it meant to really go deeper with God. [SPEAKER_00]: And I was afraid of what that might look like and what it might cost me. [SPEAKER_00]: And so I am not down on professional therapy and counseling or investing in self-help materials and courses. [SPEAKER_00]: And as I've said, they can be very helpful tools and resources.

6:04 [SPEAKER_00]: They've helped me, and of course I'm a biblical counselor. [SPEAKER_00]: However, the goal of counseling isn't to make you dependent on your counselor. [SPEAKER_00]: It should help you become more honest, more aware, more responsible, and ultimately more capable of living and walking in truth. [SPEAKER_00]: Because Jesus says, holding to the truth is really what sets us free and sets us free indeed. [SPEAKER_00]: followed by a trite phrase. [SPEAKER_00]: Now this myth is a huge huge problem for me. [SPEAKER_00]: Very, very, very problematic. [SPEAKER_00]: I feel great discomfort when I hear a pastor or religious influence to say, take it to the cross, worship through it, and these are true statements.

6:49 [SPEAKER_00]: Truth for sure. [SPEAKER_00]: You know where my tension point is? [SPEAKER_00]: The word, just. [SPEAKER_00]: Then we'll give you an example. [SPEAKER_00]: Just pray about it. [SPEAKER_00]: Just trust God. [SPEAKER_00]: Just have more faith. [SPEAKER_00]: Just forgive them. [SPEAKER_00]: Just let it go. [SPEAKER_00]: Just stop worrying. [SPEAKER_00]: All you have to do is just. [SPEAKER_00]: Accurate, but incomplete. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when I hear just in the church from the pulpit, man, you just lost me. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I just checked out. [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the reason.

7:30 [SPEAKER_00]: The word just can turn a complex human struggle into a simplistic instruction. [SPEAKER_00]: One particular case, a popular case is when an older, a single man or woman in the church is looking for a light partner and wrestling with the complexity of dating in 2026 in a well-meaning but ignorant person for claims, just trust God, or you need to just be more patient, or you need to just pray about it. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, someone may genuinely need to pray more and be more patient and trust God more, but still they may need to be understood. [SPEAKER_00]: Not fix or offer trite solutions.

8:14 [SPEAKER_00]: And because feeling misunderstood in your pain can feel [SPEAKER_00]: really tough. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it feels like a double wound, actually. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, wound number one, man, I'm going through the struggle. [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, wound number two, I'm feeling misunderstood in the struggle. [SPEAKER_00]: It's a double pain. [SPEAKER_00]: It's a double wound. [SPEAKER_00]: And people need to know that someone who is people need to know that someone's praying for them because it takes time. [SPEAKER_00]: People need time and distance to process things a lot of times. [SPEAKER_00]: And so, just is a shortcut around transformation.

8:54 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just do it like Nike. [SPEAKER_00]: You know? [SPEAKER_00]: It's not easy to just do it. [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't Nike. [SPEAKER_00]: This is, we're talking about people's lives and sometimes people's livelihood. [SPEAKER_00]: And speaking of Nike, I mean, elite athletes, the best of the best use you don't take short cuts to achieve the highest level of excellence. [SPEAKER_00]: There's no shortcut in nutritional intake, detail practices on the field, weightlifting and a gym. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, getting after it and film study, there's no just lift weights. [SPEAKER_00]: There's no just do this.

9:34 [SPEAKER_00]: There's more to it than that, encouraging more faith, prayer, Bible study isn't pretending to struggle, isn't complicated. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, these spiritual disciplines bring the complexity of the struggle honestly until a relationship with God and people need to be taught how to do this. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I'm so thankful that Jesus doesn't obstruct us to just blank. [SPEAKER_00]: He models for us what that looks like within the struggle. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he was for 15 says, we do not have a high priest who was able to incentivize, who was able to sympathize, who was unable to sympathize with our weaknesses.

10:16 [SPEAKER_00]: But he's been tempted in every way, just as we are. [SPEAKER_00]: And yet, he was without sin. [SPEAKER_00]: And we can approach that throne to grace with confidence to receive mercy and find grace. [SPEAKER_00]: Man, it helps us in our time and need. [SPEAKER_00]: So there's no just do something with him. [SPEAKER_00]: We can go to him. [SPEAKER_00]: And myth number three, if people get more connected in community, they'll become healthy. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, that's a myth because connection and community is a beautiful thing and very needed indeed. [SPEAKER_00]: The issue is the gap between calling people into community and actually modeling and equipping people for healthy community.

10:58 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is something that is greatly overlooked in many church spaces. [SPEAKER_00]: As someone who spent nearly two decades in full time or lay pastoral care ministry, I saw this problem pretty clearly and still see some of the gap in that mindset today. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, churches may say, get connected, join a small group, unique community, don't do life alone. [SPEAKER_00]: All those are great invitations, accurate, but incomplete. [SPEAKER_00]: Have we taught people how to actually do healthy community as the question? [SPEAKER_00]: Are we equipping men and women to ensure that people are thriving in these small group settings?

11:45 [SPEAKER_00]: Because, hey, proximity isn't intimacy, and being around people isn't the same as being known. [SPEAKER_00]: And being known isn't automatically the same as being safe, and feeling safe. [SPEAKER_00]: We rightly identified the mechanism for connecting people, but do people understand how the mechanism functions? [SPEAKER_00]: People need to learn how to, [SPEAKER_00]: And I have a list of no-house, like no-how to listen well. [SPEAKER_00]: People need to know how to speak honestly. [SPEAKER_00]: How to disagree without attacking. [SPEAKER_00]: how to establish boundaries, how to receive correction, how to offer correction, how to confess openly, how to forgive completely, how to ask for help, how to respect confidentiality, how to take responsibility, how to be vulnerable.

12:49 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus says, now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. [SPEAKER_00]: So you can't simply tell people to connect and assume they know how to connect well. [SPEAKER_00]: And I see clients who, especially a couple's, [SPEAKER_00]: that are completely off the grid when it comes to connectivity with church and small groups. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, Sunday attenders occasionally, but more regularly online. [SPEAKER_00]: And many of these individuals, they don't even see the value because the learn how know how show me how is missing. [SPEAKER_00]: And they're all from Missouri, y'all, the show me state. [SPEAKER_00]: Now live in St. Louis for about six years.

13:29 [SPEAKER_00]: And people would always say, I'm from Missouri. [SPEAKER_00]: You got to show me. [SPEAKER_00]: And for a while, it was like, man, what are you talking about? [SPEAKER_00]: And then I caught on. [SPEAKER_00]: Man, you got to show me. [SPEAKER_00]: You can't just tell me. [SPEAKER_00]: That is why community doesn't become healthy. [SPEAKER_00]: Simply because we put people in a room together. [SPEAKER_00]: We got to show them. [SPEAKER_00]: Remember episodes four, spiritual activity [SPEAKER_00]: a small group isn't automatically healthy because they meet every Tuesday night. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay? [SPEAKER_00]: And so I wanted to just dive into the deeper myth behind all three of these myths. [SPEAKER_00]: And the three myths can ultimately reinforce two false ideas.

14:11 [SPEAKER_00]: A false idea number one, the answer is inside of me. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, self-help can become, if I can just discover myself, find myself. [SPEAKER_00]: I understand myself referring myself and work hard enough, man, I can fix things. [SPEAKER_00]: False idea number two, the answer is outside of me. [SPEAKER_00]: And that can become, man, my therapist will fix me. [SPEAKER_00]: My spouse will complete me. [SPEAKER_00]: My church community will heal me, just being around other people, man, that'll heal me. [SPEAKER_00]: The right relationship will make me whole.

14:52 [SPEAKER_00]: But scripture points us somewhere deeper. [SPEAKER_00]: The point says deeper, and he talks about going deeper, really, and Romans chapter 12 verse 2, it says, you're not conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. [SPEAKER_00]: In Ephesians 4, 22, 24, to same concept, is that you were taught with regard to your [SPEAKER_00]: the put off your old self, to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, create to be like God, and true righteousness, and holiness. [SPEAKER_00]: Do not be conformed to a pattern.

15:35 [SPEAKER_00]: What pattern? [SPEAKER_00]: Just the patterns that we've already talked about. [SPEAKER_00]: It says, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. [SPEAKER_00]: Allow the words of transform you. [SPEAKER_00]: If Jesus says you were taught, remember we talked about people need to be taught. [SPEAKER_00]: People do better when they're taught better. [SPEAKER_00]: It says you were taught what to put off your old self, to be made new in the attitude of your mind. [SPEAKER_00]: and to put on the new self. [SPEAKER_00]: And guess what, the new self was created to be like God? [SPEAKER_00]: Because first John 417 says, in this world, we are like him, like who? [SPEAKER_00]: We're like Jesus.

16:17 [SPEAKER_00]: So following Jesus isn't another self-improvement program. [SPEAKER_00]: He's calling us into a life that depends on him. [SPEAKER_00]: So put out into deep waters and let down the nets for a catch. [SPEAKER_00]: This mind renewal concept, I would say, is the thing that we are missing. [SPEAKER_00]: And understanding how we need to renew our minds, [SPEAKER_00]: by being transformed as we encounter this Lord, this Christ, it will dispel the myths. [SPEAKER_00]: So, to wrap things up, the answer isn't simply deeper self-knowledge, and the answer isn't even finding the right people, and it certainly isn't just blank.

17:12 [SPEAKER_00]: don't conform to the pattern, be transformed by the renewal of your mind. [SPEAKER_00]: So wherever you've been looking for something, only God can ultimately provide through transformation and renewal of your mindset. [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you've been looking for another book. [SPEAKER_00]: a relationship, another therapist, another church, another strategy or a spiritual experience where maybe another person to finally understand you. [SPEAKER_00]: All of those things will fall short. [SPEAKER_00]: of the mind transformation, the mind renewal that needs to happen through our encounter with Jesus.

17:58 [SPEAKER_00]: So some film room takeaways. [SPEAKER_00]: Please note, take away number one. [SPEAKER_00]: Please note that professional intervention can help you heal without becoming your source of healing. [SPEAKER_00]: So I want to make that clear. [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, the acts of prayer or Bible study aren't shortcuts around transformation. [SPEAKER_00]: They are part of our relationship with God who transforms us. [SPEAKER_00]: The third takeaway, the word just, can make complicated struggles sound spiritually simple and they're not. [SPEAKER_00]: 4. [SPEAKER_00]: Connection doesn't automatically create community. [SPEAKER_00]: Healthy community has to be modeled and learned, and 5. [SPEAKER_00]: The deep where we go with God and His truth, the more we will experience transformation through mind renewal.

18:44 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, if you're realizing that you spent a lot of time trying to fix yourself, understand yourself, or simply push through your struggles, maybe it's time to slow down and examine what's really happening beneath the surface. [SPEAKER_00]: Through a space of grace counseling, I offer a complimentary 30-minute discovery call where we can talk about your story, what's keeping you stuck, and whether biblical counseling is the right next step for you. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, this isn't about giving you another quick answer. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just this. [SPEAKER_00]: It's about creating a graceful space to slow down, [SPEAKER_00]: Tell the truth and begin looking at your life through the lens of God's truth.

19:27 [SPEAKER_00]: You will find the link to schedule in the show notes. [SPEAKER_00]: Now I want to go ahead and lead us at this time in our locker room prayer. [SPEAKER_00]: Father, help us recognize the difference between using good tools and depending on them to transform us. [SPEAKER_00]: Lead us deeper into your truth and into a relationship with you. [SPEAKER_00]: Teach us to receive from you what we cannot manufacture for ourselves so that we can [SPEAKER_00]: We spent the last several episodes examining patterns, myths, and some of the places we go looking for answers when we're struggling.

20:12 [SPEAKER_00]: But there's a deeper question underneath all of this. [SPEAKER_00]: What do you actually believe about where life, transformation, healing, and homeless come from? [SPEAKER_00]: And Jesus asks his disciples in Matthew 16, who do people say the Son of Man is, referring to himself? [SPEAKER_00]: Who do people say the Son of Man is? [SPEAKER_00]: And the disciples answer, you know, some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, still others, one of the prophets. [SPEAKER_00]: And then Jesus says, but what about you? [SPEAKER_00]: Who do you say I am? [SPEAKER_00]: Peter answered, you are the Christ, the Son of the living God. [SPEAKER_00]: Man, this guy Peter knew what he believed and knew him in whom he believed.

20:59 [SPEAKER_00]: So what about you? [SPEAKER_00]: Who do you say the Son of Man is? [SPEAKER_00]: Because you have to know what you believe and who you truly believe in. [SPEAKER_00]: Not what sounds good, not what everybody around you is saying. [SPEAKER_00]: And not even what your church says is conventional to believe. [SPEAKER_00]: But what do you actually believe? [SPEAKER_00]: Who do you actually believe? [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we're going to talk about in our next episode. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to tell you one of the convictions that sits at the center of how I counsel, how I teach, how I minister, and why I create it the biblical film room.

21:44 [SPEAKER_00]: And it starts with this one belief, a person cannot give that which they do not possess. [SPEAKER_00]: So hit that subscribe button so you don't miss this next episode and you know I'm going to ask you to share the podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: It just might bring clarity to someone's spiritual direction. [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you again for joining me today. [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, go be a world changer but not a stranger. [SPEAKER_00]: So I'll see you next time in the biblical film room where God's Word becomes the replay that changes your life. [SPEAKER_00]: Talk to you soon. [SPEAKER_00]: Adios.