The Cost of Staying Stuck: What Are You Losing by Refusing to Move?

The True Price of the Status Quo

What are you losing by refusing to move? Staying stuck doesn't mean God has stopped loving you, but it can mean you're missing the life, growth, relationships, opportunities, and impact that become possible when you finally face what's keeping you stuck.

So, what is staying stuck costing you? Not what has it cost you in the past? I'm asking you right now. What is the status quo costing you in your marriage? What is it costing you in your relationships? What is it costing you professionally, financially? What opportunities have passed you by because you were afraid to face something you already knew was there.

So again, what is staying stuck costing you today? I know that question well because I lived it. Hey, you guys, you know my story.

My Personal Battle with Stagnation

I was stuck for years. And eventually staying stuck became expensive. I mean, it cost me my marriage. It cost me opportunities to positively impact people earlier in my life. And it cost me years I can never get back.

But hey, this isn't an episode about regret. Not at all. It's about what happens when you finally decide to move. And I'm glad the Holy Spirit helped me decide to do that.

Hey, welcome to the Biblical Film Room, a place where we slow down, reflect, and let scripture examine our lives so we can grow in truth, walk in freedom and live out our identity in Christ. My name is Michael Jerome, your host. I am so grateful you're here. Thank you for joining me.

Defining the Problem: Awareness vs. Action

We've been building something over these last few episodes. It's been exciting. In episode one, we talked about my story, my journey from fractured faith to restored faith. And in episode two, we talked about the mistake, the biggest mistake that I see believers making, and the one that I made: trying to become before understanding that we belong.

In episode three, we talked about the grace framework. And I introduced the grace framework. You know, how you know God loves us as we are, but he refuses to leave us there. He affirms our identity and worth, he helps us commit ourselves to his truth, and then he empowers us by his spirit, and all of that helps us internalize and live out true belonging.

In episode four, we discussed a problem nobody's talking about, and that is spiritual activity does not equate to spiritual maturity, and how getting that twisted can be really detrimental. But knowing the problem doesn't automatically mean that we do something about it, and at some point, awareness has to become action that leads to sustained change.

Cause there are a lot of believers who are stuck, not like Chuck, but more like the four-letter word that rhymes with Chuck that I'm not going to repeat on the air. But come on now, guys. Let's keep it real. You can't equate this condition of being stuck with some watered down, cute little rhyme that has no reason. Man, being stuck is a real problem and it sucks. Cause I've been there.

And you're likely there too. So we're going to dive into the muck of being stuck because sometimes you have to be where you are and acknowledge it before you can begin moving to a different place. Okay?

And before we get into today's conversation, if you've been listening to these episodes and realizing that some of what we're talking about describes your story, hey, I want to invite you to take the next step. Through a space of grace counseling, I offer a complimentary 30 minute discovery call.

It's a conversation simply where we can talk about your story and whether biblical counseling might be a good fit for you. I mean, sometimes the first step is simply having a safe place to tell the truth about where you are. You'll find the link to schedule your call in the show notes. Now let's get into the film room.

The Invisible Barrier: Defensive Hearts and Compliant Masks

And there's nothing like being stuck in a place you don't belong. That was me. Yeah. I I mean I had Bible knowledge. I knew how to sit down with other people and share salvation with them. And that's a good thing.

On the other side of that coin, there were good people who tried to help me. And I was learning from them. I mean, I was agreeing and saying yes, sir, and yeah, man, you're right. Amen. I mean, on the outside I was compliant, but on the inside defensive and guarded.

And there's a saying for this type of heart posture. It's actually a quote. And it's "he who is convinced against his will is of the same opinion still," which led to short term change. I mean, I wasn't willing to acknowledge the truth.

Because when you're convinced against your will, you're still of the same opinion. You just kind of hide behind things. And Second Timothy three talks about this kind of person. Always learning, but never able to acknowledge the truth. That's verse seven.

And this verse became painfully real for me. I could learn more Bible without allowing the Bible to confront me. And it was overwhelming and daunting, quite honestly, to face the flaws that were in my character and that others were pointing out. So I hid.

I would cry, shut down, or quickly agree, not necessarily because I was ready to change, but because these coping mechanisms helped me get out of difficult conversations. And so I wasn't just avoiding uncomfortable feelings and being put on the spot. I was actually avoiding transformation.

The Relational Toll: What Staying Stuck Does to Intimacy

Eventually, avoidance has a bill. And my marriage paid a price for things I wasn't willing to confront. Hey, my marriage didn't fail because of one big catastrophic thing. There was no adultery, no physical or verbal abuse, nothing like that.

Instead, I mean there were patterns, wounds, behaviors, signs, truths that I wasn't ready or willing to face. And so staying stuck, it can impact a lot of things. It impacts intimacy. It impacts trust, emotional safety, friendships, and family relationships.

So let's do a little biblical film study on how staying stuck impacts relationships. There's a verse in James chapter four, verse one and two. James actually addresses a situation. He says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from the desires that battle within you? You want something, but you don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight, you do not have because you do not ask God."

Man, this passage is a picture of lost intimacy, trust, emotional safety, and friendship. You know, staying stuck keeps people in the same patterns of conflict, the same circular arguments, day in and day out, week after week, year after year.

Film room insight: What you refuse to deal with doesn't disappear. It often gets transferred into the relationships closest to you. These individual issues tend to surface in significant romantic relationships.

You know, often when I see unhealthy relating patterns in a person seeking couples counseling, I often bring to the surface faulty relational skills that were developed long before that person entered that relationship. And so like I said, I see that pretty often.

Professional and Financial Consequences

Okay, we're gonna transition here. What does staying stuck cost you professionally? Maybe staying in a job you hate because you're afraid to move, like move on. Refusing opportunities because of insecurity, people pleasing tendencies instead of leading, an inability to receive feedback, procrastination, a lack of confidence, allowing unresolved issues to affect decision making.

Man, all of these can keep you stuck professionally. Does any of these patterns describe your professional situation? Feeling stuck there?

How about financially? What does staying stuck cost you financially? Well, sometimes emotional patterns have financial consequences too. Hey, fear can cause paralysis, like making an investment. Avoidance can prevent decisions like confronting debt.

People pleasing again can make us terrible with boundaries, you know, trying to impress others. And then a lack of discipline can create recurring financial problems, like living beyond your means. Now, I am not suggesting that healing automatically produces financial or professional success.

What I am saying is unaddressed patterns can influence professional and financial decisions. So another film room insight for you: Your internal world doesn't stay internal. Eventually, it shows up in your decisions.

Biblical Film Study: The Man at the Pool

Okay. So let's look at another biblical film example, film room example of a man whose life demonstrated the cost of staying stuck. John chapter 5. It says, one who was there had been invalid for 38 years, when Jesus learned, saw him lying there, and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him this familiar question, this important question: "Do you want to get well?"

Now, hey, that's a startling question to ask a person in this condition. I mean, kind of peculiar to ask him that. Then the man gives an explanation about why he can't get into the pool. Hey, someone else gets in there before me. When I try to get in, someone else gets ahead of me.

I mean, his circumstances were genuinely difficult, okay? But Jesus doesn't spend the entire conversation discussing the excuse of why he couldn't get in. He confronts the man with the possibility of change. "Get up, take up your mat, and walk." At once the man was cured, he picked up his mat and he walked.

Ownership: The Difference Between Explanations and Participation

Now, what would Jesus ask you about your situation? He probably wouldn't ask, why are you still struggling? But I think he would ask, "Do you want to get well?"

Because sometimes we become so familiar with our dysfunction that we begin building an identity around it. I mean, we know why, we know who did it, know what happened. We know why it's difficult. It's definitely hard, not minimizing that, what you're going through.

But I would say eventually, explanation, all the reasons and excuses have to give way to participation. Yeah. Film room insight: You can understand why you're stuck without deciding to remain stuck. You can actually come out from under that, like Jesus says, hey, I'm going to confront you with the possibility of change. Get up and take up your mat and walk.

Now imagine an athlete who has tremendous physical ability, but refuses to watch film, refuses coaching, refuses to address weaknesses, and keeps making the same mistakes. I mean, the coach says, "Hey, here's what you're doing wrong. The film says it, it's right here."

Imagine an athlete responds with, "that's just how I play." Or "my teammates they aren't helping me enough." Or "hey, the position coach doesn't like me." Now eventually talent can't compensate for an unwillingness to grow.

And some of us are spiritually doing the same thing. I did that same thing. God's word shows us the pattern. A trusted person points it out. If you're married, our spouse tells us. If you go on to counseling, a counselor tells us. If you're in church, a pastor tells us.

But instead of reflecting and asking, "what do I need to learn?" Self-reflection, being aware, we ask, "Who's responsible for this?" That takes really no reflection or awareness. But listen, my friend, you can't improve what you refuse to review.

I reviewed one side of the coin during my six month season during previous episodes. The other side was my responsibility to take some ownership to what had happened to me. That's what I'm doing this episode. It's the ownership part of what happened.

The Biblical Requirement for Effectiveness

So when people see themselves from a place of pride instead of humility, a place of victimhood, their lives stop working the way God intends.

In 2 Peter 1 and verse 5 through 8, it says, "for this reason," what reason? The reason that we have that God loves us and He has blessed us, it says, "for this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness into goodness knowledge to knowledge self-control into self-control perseverance to perseverance godliness to godliness mutual affection into mutual affection love."

"For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ineffective and unproductive—that's the poster phrase for being stuck spiritually, emotionally, financially, relationally, professionally.

Hey, you can know a lot, but if the knowledge isn't producing character, growth, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly affection, and love, then something is wrong. But if your understanding of his love produces a godly life of consistent fruit, man, that's the grace, the G R A moving into the C and E, committing to his truth and empowerment by the Spirit through surrender.

Film Room Takeaways for Transformation

So to recap, staying stuck can cost you time. You can't recover yesterday. It costs you relationships. People can get tired of waiting for us to address the same patterns. I know that one well.

Opportunity: There are doors you may never know you missed. Professional growth: unresolved fear, insecurity, avoidance, or people pleasing can limit potential. Financial growth: patterns and decision making can have financial consequences and impact.

There may be people you could have helped sooner. But hear me clearly. God's love isn't something you lose because you haven't matured fast enough. You don't lose your salvation because you're struggling. This isn't about earning God's favor. And we established that in earlier episodes.

It's about what we may miss when we refuse to cooperate with what God is trying to do in us. Like that kid, you know, missing out on that tasty dessert because they didn't finish their chores or didn't do the chores correctly.

So what have you been calling, "this is my personality," that may actually be a pattern that needs to change? What have you been calling, "it's just the way I am," that God may be inviting you to change, to repent of?

What conversation have you been avoiding? What truth have you already recognized but don't want to acknowledge? The question isn't whether you have a reason for being stuck. Hey, you probably do. The question is whether you're willing to take responsibility for what happens next. Yes.

So as we wrap up, we've got a few film room takeaways.

1. The first one is this: you don't have to deny your past to take responsibility for your future.
2. Number two, understanding why you're stuck is important, but understanding isn't the same as moving. Gotta keep it moving.
3. Three, what you refuse to confront can eventually cost you what you value most.
4. And lastly, you can't improve what you refuse to review.

So what are you losing by refusing to move? Do you want to get well? You can. Right here, right now. This day. Today's the day.

Now, if you've heard yourself in this episode, don't just listen and move on. Please take one step. And if you know there's something beneath the surface that you need help addressing, I'd love to invite you to schedule a complimentary 30-minute discovery call with me through a space of grace counseling.

Again, we'll talk about your story, where you're stuck, and what your next step might look like. You don't have to figure it all out before you call. Sometimes healing begins with simply telling the truth in a safe place. And the link to schedule you'll find in the show notes. Now back to the show.

So now we've asked the question: what is staying stuck costing you? But here's where we go next. Knowing you need to change obviously isn't enough. Wanting to change isn't enough. Even knowing what needs to change isn't enough. You got to know where to start.

Sometimes we don't know where to start. But that's exactly what we are going to talk about in the next episode. The first step to take from here. What do you actually do when you're finally ready to stop hiding, stop making excuses, and begin moving towards healing and transformation? Yes, that's where we're going next.

Listen to me. You may have lost time. You may have lost opportunities. You may even have lost relationships, but you haven't lost the possibility of taking your next step. Sometimes, before you can go forward, you have to be willing to look backward.

In our next episode, we're going to explore one of the most overlooked influences on how we relate, believe, and respond today: our family of origin. And I believe understanding where some of our patterns began can be a powerful first step towards changing where we're going.

You don't want to miss this episode. So hit that subscribe button and please drop a comment in the chat. I would love to hear from you. I really would. And as always, please share the podcast. It just may bring clarity to someone's spiritual direction.

Thanks for joining me today. Hey, go be a world changer, but not a stranger. So I'll see you next time in the biblical film room where God's word becomes the replay that changes your life. Talk to you soon. Adios.

*

Ready to stop staying stuck?

If you are tired of the cost of the status quo and ready to discover how to stop feeling stuck in life, I’m here to help. Sometimes the first step is simply having a safe place to tell the truth. https://spaceofgracecounseling.com/contact/